To Osaka!!!...and back?

Disclaimer: This is a very long post. I apologize for it's length but I wanted to get everything down and we have a very busy week ahead of us! The crazier stuff happens near the end so please keep reading.

This weekend we got some time off and decided to make the most of it by taking a trip to Osaka. Osaka is Japan's second biggest city and we think the nicest. There is a lot going on and it feels like a very modern place to be. We ran into some trouble at the end of our trip... but I'll explain later.

First we had to meet up with Asamoto. He is a really nice guy that we met a couple weeks back at Takahama Beach. He approached us and we spoke for a little while before exchanging contact information. He suggested that we get in touch with him if we get some time off, so we went ahead and emailed him letting him know that we were planning to go to Osaka. Now you must understand, Asamoto is a huge beauty. He actually drove 90 minutes to pick us up at Higashi-Maizuru station (in his yellow VW Beetle) and drove us back to his apartment in Takarazuka, a city near Osaka.

We were a little nervous about getting a ride with a stranger and staying at his place, but it turned out to be a really good experience. Asamoto speaks very good English and he had plenty of questions to ask and stories to tell us. We listened to American love songs from the 70s and 80s for the entire journey (...surprisingly no Journey).

Once we arrived at his place we watched some Japanese tv and listened to more love songs while Asamoto asked us questions. He had one bed and was kind enough to let us use it and he slept on his couch.

After a short sleep we were up and on our way to Osaka. First we stopped at a used video game shop where all of the used games were at least 10 bucks more than new games are in Calgary. Very surprising.

Once we got to Osaka the first place we went was Osaka-jo castle. The weather was ridiculous. It was almost too hot to enjoy ourselves, in fact, I doubt that we would have had we not spent the majority of the time indoors with air conditioning. The castle itself was an incredible sight, equipped with a large moat and a courtyard. The inside was basically a museum of Japanese history. We paid to wear some armor as Japanese people stared at us with a mixture of astonishment and pity. The castle was a lot of fun and people were very nice to us.

Next we went for a taste of Osaka, which is famous for having very good food. Asamoto ordered Yakisoba and Okinomiaki (letting other people order for me is something of a personal nightmare, but he had been so nice that I would have felt like a complete asshole objecting). The food was really good, Asamoto enjoyed a little too much of it and spent the rest of the afternoon fretting that he would get fat.

For our next adventure Asamoto gave us a choice between the Osaka Tower and the Aquarium. I think the heat may have had something to do with it, but nice cool water sounded very nice to us and we chose the latter. It was AMAZING. The pictures should speak for themselves but let me say that seeing these creatures up close is incredible.

After a lot of fun wandering around looking at lazy water animals (looking at you otters), we took a trip to the heart of Osaka at the train station area. There is a TON of shopping (Georgia liked it very much) and I'm sure there was a lot of other interesting things to do but we had had a long day and were actually trying to find a theatre that was playing the new Batman movie (No dice, it's not out here until mid-August). We ended up at an Italian restaurant that had unbelievably good spaghetti and a very solid calzone.

With no movie to watch we decided to indulge Asamoto's pachinko addiction (just joking Asamoto!) and even managed to try it out for ourselves. I still have no fucking idea what was supposed to be happening. There are a lot of ball bearings flying around everywhere and sometimes there is a slot machine type animation that lets you know that you're not winning anything.

We said goodbye to Asamoto shortly after losing our money. He left us in the middle of a dark and shady looking street where we were supposed to find ourselves a love hotel. This was completely our fault as we assumed it was going to be clean, cheap and easy... it wasn't... especially not clean.

Love hotels are (supposedly) cheap spots for young lovers to visit to get some privacy and also businessmen to sit down and converse with ladies of the night. The first love hotel we went to was a bit of a disaster. We didn't understand any of the Japanese and what was supposed to be a discreet transaction with minimal human contact became a lobby full of Japanese people with no idea what we meant by "how much for one night?". We were lead outside and pointed towards another hotel.

So there we were wandering around a dark street surrounded by prostitutes and adulterers, with no idea what we were going to do. We thought that giving up and paying to stay at a regular hotel was looking pretty good at this point so we tried one out... they spoke English! But they did not have any rooms. So we went to the Manhattan Love Hotel... it said Manhattan right on the building... you'd think there might be some English somewhere inside... well maybe if you were US you would think that.

We actually pushed a button this time selecting our room and took an elevator (recently occupied by a working girl) to our room. We opened the door and stepped inside. There was a machine where you choose the amount of time that you want to stay and insert your cash or credit card... sadly there was no english and not even any numbers. Georgia took a tour of our room as I attempted to navigate the machine to it's most expensive price... she came back with a look that is not easy to describe. Part disgusted, part amused and part confused might give you some idea. She saw a full garbage bag tied up in the can, balled up kleenex sprinkled on the floor (I wonder if the last visitor had a cold...) and dirty pink towels. You must understand that this room was lighted up and we had a ticket directing us to it... so it's not like we stumbled into the wrong place... it was just a filthy, filthy scene.

It was time to go... we couldn't figure out how to pay and it wasn't really looking like a great place to be. So I grabbed the door handle turned it and... LOCKED! We were locked in a room that felt like it had just been used as a set for an amateur porno and we hadn't even paid money... so we were waiting for some muscle to come up and shake us down. Soon enough we heard knocking at the door and Japanese being called out by a woman... at first I was glad but then I thought she might have a gun (she didn't). She couldn't understand me and vice versa so I tried to make my point by turning the door handle like a maniac and bumping the door. Finally, they found some employees (strange, strange people) who could speak English and they opened the door. Exhausted, I actually agreed to simply pay the 15 000 (about $150) so that we could stay in our little hellhole. Luckily for me, Georgia was still thinking straight and said absolutely not, so off we went into the night!

Thoroughly furious at Osaka and ourselves, we stomped around aimlessly for a few minutes (it was not a real upbeat hour). Finally deciding to get the hell out of Osaka. We went back to the train station and asked for a ticket to Kyoto (good old familiar Kyoto...more on that later). The man told us that we were at the wrong station. So off we went back where we came from to Osaka station! We bought our tickets and missed the first train because the genius at the counter told us to go to the wrong platform, but we made it on the next train and back to Kyoto.

The train ride was a good experience because we were able to calm down and reflect a little on our ridiculous day (remember, we had started that day at a freaking castle...). We had a few laughs and chilled out playing a drum game that Georgia had bought for the DS.

We got back to Kyoto station, which we were very familiar with because we'd had so much trouble buying tickets. We stepped out of the station and were immediately lost. We had only ever been on the other side of the station and we had no idea where anything was. Fortunately, there was the APA Hotel, listed in lonely planet as a good, cheap option so once we spotted that one we went right there. Strangely this was not actually the same APA Hotel as in the book and rooms were much more expensive than we wanted to pay so we left again and kept up our seach for inexpensive lodging. We ended up in a dark alley, yet again, joking that with the way our day had gone we ought to keep in the light, populated areas and amazingly we found the OTHER APA Hotel (the right one) and secured a room from a very rude concierge.

We got up to our room and learned that this was actually a hotel for dwarfs... with about a foot of space between every piece of furniture or wall and a bathroom that looked like it was a rejected design for a space shuttle toilet.

Thank you for reading all this... if you did.